When the fleet’s sinking, there are only two places to be: in the water or on a life-raft. Having taken many people’s money before pressing up their now-infamous 4 part vinyl series, a lot of people have been wondering, for quite some time, if they will ever see anything in their mailbox. Now, with members of the Armada team quitting with public statements, you have to wonder… Read more…

Legendary drum-masons Source Direct caused an uproar today when they publicly attacked clownstep, in a cold-hearted, ruthless maneouver. But why hide the beautiful hatred from the world? Read more…

Adam Freeland, legendary Breakbeat DJ, was exposed recently as that most decidedly vile of human scum: a piss-artist. An artist who likes to get pissed. When abroad. Oh dear. There goes England’s reputation down the drain for the ninety-fifth time. WHEN WILL THESE PEOPLE LEARN? Read more…

Ok, so we all know the situation, you’re into serious music, you hate all this ‘wobble for kids’ malarky but, every now and then, you’re in a club and the DJ drops an utterly hideous tune that, under normal circumstances, you’d leave the dancefloor and head to the bar shaking your head with utter dissapointment. Truth is however, now you’ve had a few light ales, you’re up for dancing to anything… but the question remains, ‘How do you stop your beardstep mates from thinking you like this shit?’

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Oh my God! Clarks, Burtons, Topclown, everywhere is out of size 18s. What is a clownstepper to do? I have all the trappings of a successful clown, hula hoop belt, shiny red nose, car that’s only just big enough for a small Ethopian child with huge speakers blaring out Twisted Individual’s latest classic ‘Dribbly Arse Wipe’ (Zen Rmx) but I can’t get my size 18s for love nor money! It’s almost enough to make me trade it all in, grow a massive beard and start talking about the redundancy of Amens and Reeses in modern music…

Clownstepping across the Universe. A great lyric for an exciting age, this is the time of wobble folks and don’t you forget it! If the ass ain’t shakin’ to the basslines we’re makin’ then you better be ready to be branded a hater. This is all about post jump-up, post-millennial, post-prototype years shuttin’ ‘em down action. I’ve got my 20%, where’s yours kids?