On a recent rummage through John’s bins I found disturbing evidence that he may be trying to get into the BB house.

Item number 1: Lots of pictures of Imogen with love hearts next to them, one had the words “Note to self, remix Imagine, replace with Imogen”.

Item number 2: 232 KitKat wrappers.

Can you say ‘John and the Chocolate Factory’? Someone wants that golden ticket badly..

Laura Croft - Bin Raider

So exactly where is TC’s money?

Reeling from the excitement of hearing his latest smasher (yes it’s jump-up, sue me) this Daily Wobbler pondered who’s been pulling a fast one on poor Tommyboy?

Could it be that the Bristol badman’s hitherto inexplicable move to Distorted Minds’ D-Style was motivated by a certain duo’s failure to live up to their side of the deal? Let’s hope, dear reader, that any parting of company will be handled with the same good grace and gallant professionalism as exemplified by Pendulum and their former best pals at BBK. I think we all learned something valuable from that.

Deep. Like Titanic.

Drum’n'bass duo The Outfit this week have publicly announced that they’re too good for internet radio.

In a superb outburst of anti-American sentiment, they ditched their monthly Bassdrive.com show in favour of the sultry sounds of silence. Apparently the DJ subs fee of $5.00/month (which, at current exchange rates, is worth about £2.65) was too much for them to deal with.

And besides, with a back catalog as strong as theirs (we counted a whopping 7 vinyl releases as well as 11 MP3s), who needs the promotion?

Read the full dismissal here.

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During my continual under cover investigation posing as a rubbish collector I can exclusively reveal the contents of many of our beloved DJ’s and producers bins.

Scouring the country, moving from council to council, I have been privy to more information than you can shake your big wobbly clown shoes at.

So without further ado I give you the first 4’s top 5’s.

‘The Great Grooverider’

1. The most common item I found in the Rider’s bins were letters of complaint drafted to local takeaways, including the now infamous catchphrase ‘Grooverider shut you down’.
2. So just how does the Groove get his groove on? Well judging by the number of copies of Usher – ‘Yeah’ I can only presume that the U.S. superstar helps the Rider into the zone.My only question would be why so many copies?
3. This leads to my next discovery: inflatable aquatic mammals, or more specifically deflated inflatable aquatic mammals. How does someone get through so many blow up toys? They looked like they’d taken a real pounding.
4. The fourth item I pulled from the Rider’s bins was well, a bin. A Bin with a dent in it. No, I have no idea either.
5. Finally, how does his Riderness keep so trim? Alfalfa home grow kits. Who could have seen that one coming?

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Aries March 21 - April 19

It might seem like everyone is against you this week, probably because they are. Your incessant moaning about how ‘they don’t make them like they used to’ has become too much to bear. Slip on some size 16’s and join the party, fool.

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In a shocking revelation, electropopster John B has found himself embroiled in a flesh trafficking bonanza.

The star himself admitted to have taken an 18 year old girl home. Officially she ‘chased him down the street’, and later ‘she wouldn’t get in the cab’.

However, our reporters on the ground had, earlier in the evening, seen Mr. B talking to a certain Mr Nexhat Koçhat. Koçhat, the well known internet entrepreneur and owner of dirtychavcamgirls.net was allegedly seen pointing out a girl to Mr. B, the same girl who then ‘followed him home’.

A bottle of Chablis later and John B was posting on the well known dogsonacid.com website, apparently publicising a webcam service with the girl. But it would seem that our favourite baron on the barnet had a sudden change of heart and could not go through with it; at least that’s the official line.

Full story here: http://www.dogsonacid.com/showthread.php?threadid=399516

The strong, forthright beats of the drum… those complex snares ready to brainwash you. It’s easy to see what China, which has been communist since 1980, has to fear: a revolution at the hands of musically inspired Monarchists, who, it seems, are prepared to stop at nothing to overthrow the government and install one of the many popular Drum’n'Bass wobble DJs as their new king.

Drum’n'Bass has long had regal associations. In ancient times, the Roman army would march to the beat of a loud drum under the flag of The Emperor himself. Louis XIV of France was an avid percussionist, and Queen Victoria is rumoured to have owned a pair of brightly coloured size 15 shoes. Such large shoes are said to provide maximum stability when traversing wobbly terrain.

However, now that Crownstep has reached Asia, communists everywhere are reaching for the panic button, ready to raise the alarm, as monarchism builds up to the drop in every corner of the eastern world. Their worst fear, we believe, is that there will be a water shortage as Crownstep overtakes the currently predominant Riquid Funk. Such a double drop could see nations divide as governments are wobbled to their foundations, and it’s unlikely that Chairman Mao would sit by and let that happen.

Not all musicians are at risk of political imprisonment, but in these terrible times of the twin towers, the tsunami, terrorism and other tremendous tradgedies, governments and their agents are unlikely to differentiate between a dissident Crownstepper and just another innocent Jungrist.

We saw something on DogsOnAcid today about Nathan from Basic Operations having a bit of a spaz with regards to his part in the crew. Allegedly he writes all the tunes whilst the others get all the glory. Perhaps they’ll even break up in an epic fashion?

Here at the Wobble we’ve never quite been sure how many people are in Basic Ops, but one thing’s for sure: it reminds us just a shade of the whole Pendulum situation, except with more rural pastures and fewer Russian groupies. You know, where one guy makes all the music and the others make sweet love to the dance floor, as well as strong cups of tanin stimulant. And what about all those rumours of there being a 4th member? Who really knows, but as usual you heard it here second, if you caught the original thread.

Do you have the inside scoop? Leave comments - or write articles for The Daily Wobble!

** UPDATE **

Read here for the full scoop straight from the horses mouth.

Dillinja and Lemon D have started cutting dubs in an effort to get back to the good ol’ days of Music House. We need a bit more of that kind of elitism, to be sure. Valve dubs mastered and cut by Trinity himself you say? Surely nothing but the best?

Well, don’t hold your breath: they’re quiet and they crackle and that’s if you can get Lemon to even answer the phone in the first place.

Where did I leave my Final Scratch?

If it’s worth listening to, it should be in the Chemical Records top 15, because that means people are buying it and people generally tend to have good taste, so I’m just going to listen to Realaudio clips on there.

#1 - TC - Deep / Robots (D-Style Recordings)

This record ABSOLUTELY deserves to be at the top of the charts right now! ‘Deep’ is everything you’ve come to expect from a vanguard post-millenial drum and bass record - stupid bassline, stupid lyrics, stupid DJ-friendly structure - yet TC and Jakes transcend such superficial limitations here, their breezy and almost careless delivery rescuing the track from becoming Public Enemy #1 among haters everywhere. Listen to them laughing! They think it’s just as funny as you do!!! Flip it over and it’s a completely different story with ‘Robots’ - the trancey atmospherics recall John B at his best; but with a heavy bassline that out-funks most of what comes from dnb subgenres with ‘funk’ in the title, we’re firmly reminded that TC isn’t actually a homosexual. Definitely one for the summer!

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