The strong, forthright beats of the drum… those complex snares ready to brainwash you. It’s easy to see what China, which has been communist since 1980, has to fear: a revolution at the hands of musically inspired Monarchists, who, it seems, are prepared to stop at nothing to overthrow the government and install one of the many popular Drum’n'Bass wobble DJs as their new king.

Drum’n'Bass has long had regal associations. In ancient times, the Roman army would march to the beat of a loud drum under the flag of The Emperor himself. Louis XIV of France was an avid percussionist, and Queen Victoria is rumoured to have owned a pair of brightly coloured size 15 shoes. Such large shoes are said to provide maximum stability when traversing wobbly terrain.

However, now that Crownstep has reached Asia, communists everywhere are reaching for the panic button, ready to raise the alarm, as monarchism builds up to the drop in every corner of the eastern world. Their worst fear, we believe, is that there will be a water shortage as Crownstep overtakes the currently predominant Riquid Funk. Such a double drop could see nations divide as governments are wobbled to their foundations, and it’s unlikely that Chairman Mao would sit by and let that happen.

Not all musicians are at risk of political imprisonment, but in these terrible times of the twin towers, the tsunami, terrorism and other tremendous tradgedies, governments and their agents are unlikely to differentiate between a dissident Crownstepper and just another innocent Jungrist.