Research released today has found a conclusive link between British pot smokers and an increased risk of contracting a Tobacco related illness.

In a study involving 1500 volunteers conducted over 5 years, the risk of contracting a Tobacco related disease whislt smoking pot was found to be at least 100% greater in British pot smokers than in a comparable study of their American counterparts. This increase was attributed to the difference in Tobacco content between American and British weed, typically as much as 3000%.

Being British is considered to be a high risk factor. If you are British and a regular pot smoker, you should seek advice urgently.

Currently, there is no known cure for being British.

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In a separate study, American pot smokers were found to be 79% more likely to contract a Tobasco related disease than their British counterparts.

A well known and respected DJ was dissed this week by his record label in a classic case of hit’n'run MySpace apathy.

Jacques Fantastique,* a high profile disc jockey, is reported this week to have unleashed a torrent of verbal wrath against his record label, St Albans Music, upon the discovery that they clearly and deliberately failed to put him in their “Top 8″ on MySpace.com. Had they done so, he would have been listed alongside other well known signed artists such as Cobra Slow, DJ Subtle and CDJ.

Outraged at the apparently pure lack of respect for their long standing working relationship, Jacques is said to have raised his complaint to the highest level, and, happily, has since managed to restore the status-quo.

MySpace.com is a dating and personals web site where teenage girls can anonymously contact musicians to solicit sex.
* All names changed to protect the guilty.

TC and Dillinja have teamed up to unleash upon the unsuspecting world this incredible VIP mashup. Remember: you heard it here second. Read more…

In a shocking turn of events not seen since Dillinja decided to release “Fast Car”, Ram Records’ RED ONE has asked that a cartoon depicting him as an ugly bastard be taken down post haste. It’s a little shocking, as you would think that (a) such good natured D’n'B guys as those at Ram could take a joke, and (b), well, lets just say that he’s no pin-up. There is a reason that some musicians become pop stars, and that others are just producers. Red, your musical talents are unquestioned, and you are aligned with one of the top labels in the Wobble-sphere - but do us a favour, grab a mirror, and get over it.

[Naturally, here at the Wobble we’re a fan of all of Monsta’s hideously deformed cartoons - keep ‘em coming - Ed.]

So just who is TESCO VALUE? I’ll tell you one thing for free: it ain’t the guy they’re talking about here. It also isn’t Blu Mar Ten. It also isn’t El Hornet, it also isn’t Andy C, it also isn’t Subfocus, it also isn’t DJ Dara, and it also isn’t Roni Size. It’s also not the queen. In fact, the list of people it isn’t is extremely long and star studded. So many cool people aren’t TESCO VALUE that, on balance, you’re probably more likely to be cool if you’re not him.

Not seems to be the theme here. He’s not a chav - chav’s don’t have this man’s ability to regain the powers of normal speech when it’s merely humorous to do so. He also doesn’t work at Tesco. In fact, he’s not much more than a character with a witty, if unorthodox, reparteé based upon trolling 101. If this was the world of Peep Show, Tesco would be the posh musician playing the role of the Posh Spaz, playing the role of the chav musician. Waitrose dressed up as Harrods dressed up as Tesco, if you like. An identity-crisologist would have a field day.

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