In other news, Dieselboy’s dad has been described by an impartial observer as a ‘Gay Pirate’.

(Do I even need to write an article to go with this one?)

See for yourself at http://www.bertiehiggins.com/

The art world was rocked this month by allegations of cheating, as 3D Animators and other computer-toting visual craftsmen felt the flamey wrath of traditional artists who feel under threat from a new breed of software that can do all the painting for you. Applications such as Ableshop and Picktor 3 are at the heart of the fracas, as their users boldly buck twenty years of artistic tradition.

Painters, or ‘canvas junkies,’ often spend hours of their time - not to mention many hundreds of pounds a year - on paint, and practise colour-matching in their spare time. Colour matching is the messy and inaccurate technique whereby a Decor Jockey, or ‘DJ’, will mix and blend a selection of colours to produce a smooth, continuous tone.

But all that could soon come to an end as youngsters ditch public colour-mixing shows and gallery attendance falls to an all time low. Teenagers are heading to the trendier venues in droves; their destination: ‘independent’ shows where highly skilled knitting circles are thrashing out specatular arts-and-crafts tableaux with vibrant knotted strings attached to pieces of wood, often whilst consuming outrageous quantities of alcohol.

Conclusion: software is killing the art of mixing. Remember: you heard it here first.

“Hi-im International, Korean retailer of Urbantool, presented ‘grooveRider’ a T-shirt with buttons for iPod during KES 2006. According to the company, you can take control of iPod using the buttons on the clothes. It also has a pocket for iPod. Of course, you can wash it without any problem.

“Up for question still is whether they actually gave Grooverider one of these shirts, if he’s their (un)official spokeman, or if they’re passive-aggressively calling the ‘rider a Tool. Grooverider could not be reached for comment.

[source: AVing]

Freak recordings ‘Don’, Dylan, and his co-horts, Limewax and Gigantor (from Evol Intent), pay poor unsuspecting SPL a wake-up call.

At least he doesn’t seem to mind. But seriously folks…

…turn to the Grooverider Soundboard. While likely not filled with clips of the worst of Rider’s Ghost, there’s plenty of handy bits present to harass or intimidate coworkers, your partner or cat.

Another handy tidbit brought to you by The Daily Wobble!

In the world of Pop Music, most artists like to be taken seriously. Most of the time, they will don earthy-toned blazers, sing about lost love, and take their previously sexed-up image down about 5 notches in order to win things like starring movie roles or Grammy statues. This is not how it works DnB-wise.

There are some artists who dress up like two-decade old video game hall legends, producing tracks that sounds part kitsch, part pisstake, and yet still ask to be respected as serious musicians. They will speak, in detail, about drunken misadventures, plot to take over the p2p nation and make you think they are silly, easy-going geezers; but then flop right over and say this is not about gimmicks. Not about gimmicks? Are you sure?

In a bidding war that lasted mere minutes, the entirety of Drum’n'Bass was bought at auction earlier today by a Russian spaceman with a large inheritance.

That’s it folks! We’ve received our pay off and shares already, and all that remains is for us to sit back and get fat from the proceeds. Thanks for bearing with us all these years! They’ve been eventful, deceitful, and full of dirty fun.

More information here and here.

Unfortunately for Roni Size, the one time innovator appears to have used his final idea. We all know that his repetoir has diminished, some say he has become stale, only capable of rehashing the same old tried and used ideas.

Well, it seems Roni did have one last idea in him - but he accidently used it whilst out shopping. What could have been the next ‘Brown Paperbag’ or ‘Our Disease Terra’ turned out to be a Super-Noodle and Potato Waffle supper. If only you had saved that final idea for the studio, Roni! Just think what could have been.

***

A shocking piece of news has come my way. Recently, while “accidently” over-hearing a conversation with Lemon D, it seems that his watch - given to him by his grandfather - has always been set 4 minutes fast.

“Why is this shocking?” you might ask… it turns out that his much under-rated tune “12:01″ should in fact have been titled “11:57″, but due to a serious session on the smoke he had forgotten about the lapse on his future-loving watch.

***

It has been rumoured that Twisted Individual is to become a father. Let’s hope he doesn’t go along with the unfortunate celebrity naming craze… god help the kid with a name like “Snatch Gobbler” or “Felch Vicar”.

On a recent rummage through John’s bins I found disturbing evidence that he may be trying to get into the BB house.

Item number 1: Lots of pictures of Imogen with love hearts next to them, one had the words “Note to self, remix Imagine, replace with Imogen”.

Item number 2: 232 KitKat wrappers.

Can you say ‘John and the Chocolate Factory’? Someone wants that golden ticket badly..

Laura Croft - Bin Raider

So exactly where is TC’s money?

Reeling from the excitement of hearing his latest smasher (yes it’s jump-up, sue me) this Daily Wobbler pondered who’s been pulling a fast one on poor Tommyboy?

Could it be that the Bristol badman’s hitherto inexplicable move to Distorted Minds’ D-Style was motivated by a certain duo’s failure to live up to their side of the deal? Let’s hope, dear reader, that any parting of company will be handled with the same good grace and gallant professionalism as exemplified by Pendulum and their former best pals at BBK. I think we all learned something valuable from that.

Deep. Like Titanic.