The art world was rocked this month by allegations of cheating, as 3D Animators and other computer-toting visual craftsmen felt the flamey wrath of traditional artists who feel under threat from a new breed of software that can do all the painting for you. Applications such as Ableshop and Picktor 3 are at the heart of the fracas, as their users boldly buck twenty years of artistic tradition.
Painters, or ‘canvas junkies,’ often spend hours of their time - not to mention many hundreds of pounds a year - on paint, and practise colour-matching in their spare time. Colour matching is the messy and inaccurate technique whereby a Decor Jockey, or ‘DJ’, will mix and blend a selection of colours to produce a smooth, continuous tone.
But all that could soon come to an end as youngsters ditch public colour-mixing shows and gallery attendance falls to an all time low. Teenagers are heading to the trendier venues in droves; their destination: ‘independent’ shows where highly skilled knitting circles are thrashing out specatular arts-and-crafts tableaux with vibrant knotted strings attached to pieces of wood, often whilst consuming outrageous quantities of alcohol.
Conclusion: software is killing the art of mixing. Remember: you heard it here first.
Just a thought, but after the UK’s recent disruption of in-flight terrorist shenanigans, would you change your name from DJ Flight to something more post-9/11? Maybe something that sticks to the transit theme, but takes a different angle. DJ Rail? No. DJ Biodiesel? Nah. Maybe it’s better to not let these events effect your life so deeply.
Oh wait, I know! DJ Snakes on a Plane. Perfect.
Ok, so we all know the situation, you’re into serious music, you hate all this ‘wobble for kids’ malarky but, every now and then, you’re in a club and the DJ drops an utterly hideous tune that, under normal circumstances, you’d leave the dancefloor and head to the bar shaking your head with utter dissapointment. Truth is however, now you’ve had a few light ales, you’re up for dancing to anything… but the question remains, ‘How do you stop your beardstep mates from thinking you like this shit?’
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Oh my God! Clarks, Burtons, Topclown, everywhere is out of size 18s. What is a clownstepper to do? I have all the trappings of a successful clown, hula hoop belt, shiny red nose, car that’s only just big enough for a small Ethopian child with huge speakers blaring out Twisted Individual’s latest classic ‘Dribbly Arse Wipe’ (Zen Rmx) but I can’t get my size 18s for love nor money! It’s almost enough to make me trade it all in, grow a massive beard and start talking about the redundancy of Amens and Reeses in modern music…
Clownstepping across the Universe. A great lyric for an exciting age, this is the time of wobble folks and don’t you forget it! If the ass ain’t shakin’ to the basslines we’re makin’ then you better be ready to be branded a hater. This is all about post jump-up, post-millennial, post-prototype years shuttin’ ‘em down action. I’ve got my 20%, where’s yours kids?
